Review: The Betrothed by Kiera Cass

Thanks to Netgalley for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review

Publication date: 5th May 2020

Publisher: HarperCollins Children’s Books

Pages: 400

When King Jameson declares his love for Lady Hollis Brite, Hollis is shocked—and thrilled. After all, she’s grown up at Keresken Castle, vying for the king’s attention alongside other daughters of the nobility. Capturing his heart is a dream come true.

But Hollis soon realizes that falling in love with a king and being crowned queen may not be the happily ever after she thought it would be. And when she meets a commoner with the mysterious power to see right into her heart, she finds that the future she really wants is one that she never thought to imagine.

I do not expect anything deep and meaningful with a Kiera Cass book. On the whole, they’re light, fluffy romances, that don’t really require too much thought and yet are highly addictive books. Which was exactly what I needed when I picked this up, and precisely what I didn’t get. There wasn’t really anything to redeem it - the character’s are flat caricatures that never develop or turn into anything worth sticking with. There is little to no plot until the last part where suddenly what could have been an entire book's worth of plot is rammed in and has little to no emotional resonance because of the aforementioned rubbish characters and lack of time spent developing the plot that’s shoved in. And insta-love. Oh boy, the insta-love. 

There were a couple of characters I would have been interested to have a book from, but nothing is really developed.In short, it is an absolute hot mess, that I’m staggered made it to being published. 

Books I'm Squeeing About in May

Spring is sprunging, and there are new books on the horizon! Which is excellent news for my brain, and  terrible news for my bank balance and book shelves. I need to build new bookshelves...
Here are the excitingly beautiful bookish delights hitting our shelves this month that I can't wait to get my hands on!

Wicked Saints by Emily A Duncan
May 1st 2019
When Nadya prays to the gods, they listen, and magic flows through her veins. For nearly a century the Kalyazi have been locked in a deadly holy war with Tranavian heretics, and her power is the only thing that is a match for the enemy's blood magic. But when the Travanian High Prince, and his army invade the monastery she is hiding in, instead of saving her people, Nadya is forced to flee the only home she's ever known, leaving it in flames behind her, and vengeance in her heart. As night falls, she chooses to defy her gods and forge a dangerous alliance with a pair of refugees and their Tranavian blood mage leader, a beautiful, broken boy who deserted his homeland after witnessing his blood cult commit unthinkable monstrosities. The plan? Assassinate the king and stop the war. But when they discover a nefarious conspiracy that goes beyond their two countries, everything Nadya believes is thrown into question, including her budding feelings for her new partner. Someone has been harvesting blood mages for a dark purpose, experimenting with combining Tranavian blood magic with the Kalyazi's divine one. In order to save her people, Nadya must now decide whether to trust the High Prince - her country's enemy - or the beautiful boy with powers that may ignite something far worse than the war they're trying to end.

Everything about this screams excitement to me. Magic! Fantasy land! War! Politics! Basically I need more things to filled "The Priory of the Orange Tree" shaped hole in my heart. Gimme!

Lady Smoke by Laura Sebastian
May 2nd 2019

After escaping from imprisonment under the brutal Kaiser, Theodosia is on the run, plotting to take revenge and reclaim her rightful place as queen of the enslaved Astreans.Thousands of miles away from her people and her throne, Theo and her friends must work to gather an army. And the only way is to auction herself as a bride – to the kingdom who will pay the most. Freedom always comes at a price and with the Kaiser closing in, she must rely on her wits to identify who she can really trust.

I know, I know, I still need to read the first book. But I know I'm going to love it, and I can still desperately want the sequel even not really knowing what's happening... I don't have a book problem. Really, I don't...

The Bride Test by Helen Hoang
May 7th 2019

Khai Diep has no feelings. Well, not big, important emotions - like grief. And love. He thinks he's defective. His family knows better - that his autism means he just processes emotions differently. When he steadfastly refuses to consider a relationship, his mother takes matters into her own hands and returns to Vietnam to find him the perfect bride.As a mixed-race girl living in the slums of Ho Chi Minh City, Esme Tran has always felt out of place. So when the opportunity arises to go to America and meet a potential husband, she can't turn it down. This could be the break her family needs. Seducing Khai, however, doesn't go quite as planned. Esme's lessons in love seem to be working... but only on herself. She's hopelessly smitten with a man who's convinced he can never return her affection.As Esme's time in the United States dwindles, will Khai let his head catch up with his heart? Will he find the strength to let go, and let love in?

I've seen so much buzz about this one already, and it just sounds amazing! I really need to read "The Kiss Quotient" too, but I cannot wait to get my hands on this!

Romanov by Nadine Brandes
May 30th 2019
The history books say I died. They don't know the half of it. Anastasia "Nastya" Romanov was given a single mission: to smuggle an ancient spell into her suitcase on her way to exile in Siberia. It might be her family's only salvation. But the leader of the Bolshevik army is after them... and he's hunted Romanov before. Nastya's only chances of saving herself and her family are either to release the spell and deal with the consequences, or to enlist help from Zash, the handsome soldier who doesn't act like the average Bolshevik. Nastya's only dabbled in magic, but it doesn't frighten her half as much as her growing attraction for Zash. She likes him. She thinks he might even like her... That is, until she's on one side of a firing squad... and he's on the other.

I adore stories about the Romanovs so this just sounds amazing and exciting and I really hope it lives up to the hype, because I want to love it so bad!

There you have the books I can't wait for this month, now tell me some of yours in the comments below!

Top Ten Tuesday: Favourite Bookish Couples

Top Ten Tuesday is a feature hosted by the fabulous Jana at The Artsy Reader Girl. You can join in with future topics here!

When a book chooses to put a relationship into the narrative, that can sometimes make or break the story. Done well, it can create something truly magical that keeps you going back to the story over and over.
I'm a sucker for a good romance, but here are ten of the relationships that have stayed with me long after I've finished reading a book.

Puck & Sean
The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater
“I say, 'I will not be your weakness, Sean Kendrick.'
Now he looks at me. He says, very softly, 'It's late for that, Puck.”
Slow and creeping and utterly captivating, I adore the relationship that gradually builds between these two. A fascination with each otherness, a foundation of mutual respect and admiration, and a slow heat and intensity that rewards the slow build between them over the course of the book.

Celia & Marcus
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
“I would have written you, myself, if I could put down in words everything I want to say to you. A sea of ink would not be enough.' 'But you built me dreams instead.” 
This is such a beautiful story, with a wonderful, haunting relationship threading throughout. I love the way these two express their feelings - how the circus arounds them reflects their love. It's beautiful and magical and I love coming back to these two.

Fire & Brigan
Fire by Kristin Cashore

“I don't want to love you if you're only going to die.” 

This book is one of my all time favourites. It's magical and wonderful and heartbreaking and beautiful, and I love Fire (and all of Cashore's heroines) fiercely. They are complex and flawed and wonderful. I love this quiet relationship that grows up until it has filled in all of their cracks and they couldn't be torn apart even if they tried. I love how hard and difficult and painful it all is, because it feels realistic. And I love the quiet intimacy and beauty that can be found around that. I love them.

Claire & Jamie
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
This love deserves the term epic. It truly is an epic love story, one spanning centuries and continents, and it's hard and realistic and wonderful. I adore watching these two come together, forced into proximity by circumstance only to come to respect, trust, and love the other. It is timeless and complex, and a meeting of two equals, which I adore it for.

Alex & Henry
Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston
Alright technically this book isn't released until May this year. But it is one of the best romances I've read. I'm completely in love with this book and these two boys, and I cannot wait until it's out in the world and I can squee about them properly. Forewarning, get this on your pre-order list, you're not going to want to miss this.

Julia & Brisbane
Silent in the Grave by Deanna Raybourn
It's dark and quiet, and doesn't overwhelm the mystery of the other stories interwoven around theirs, but I adore the relationship that builds between Julia and Brisbane. It's the kind of quiet, simmering thing that really takes its time, and is all the more wonderful for it. They want to protect each other, but aren't afraid to call the other out and engage in some fantastic verbal sparring. It's a meeting of two equal minds, and I love watching them together.


Feyre & Rhysand
A Court of Mist & Fury by Sarah J Maas
“I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belong to you.”
This relationship is wonderful. I love the balance between the two of them. The respect and care that Rhysand offers Feyre. The fact that they're both a bit broken but they're working through it together. Whilst I love a bit of a bad boy in fiction, it always frustrates me when men treat their lady loves like a pile of poop. None of that here, and watching Feyre come into her own, secure and happy in the knowledge that she is loved for who she is, is something wonderful to behold. I return to this book so often I know it almost by heart, and this relationship is one of the reasons that I do.

Adam & Ronan
The Raven Cycle quartet by Maggie Stiefvater
Oh these two. Ronan is all sharp edges and anger, and Adam is dark and quiet and they are so damned perfect for each other it hurts, and I adore them. Maggie has announced there will be an offshoot novel "Call down the Hawk" focussed on Ronan, and I cannot wait for more of these boys.


Alanna & George
The Song of the Lioness quartet by Tamora Pierce
One of the very first fantasy books I read, this quartet shaped my reading loves from the outset. And one of those was a complex relationship that evolved over the course of the series. Plus, George is just wonderful from the very first moment.

Kami & Jared
The Lynburn Legacy by Sarah Rees Brennan
“Hark,” he said, his tone very dry. “What stone through yonder window breaks?”Kami yelled up at him, “It is the east, and Juliet is a jerk!”
I will never get over my love of Kami and Jared. They are sassy, brooding, snark pants, and I cannot fully articulate my love for them. And just compiling this list and looking at quotes from the series has made me want to go back and re-read them.

There you have ten of mine. Now it's over to you to tell me some of yours!

Review: The Governess Game by Tessa Dare

Publication date: August 28th 2018
Publisher: Avon
Pages: 373

The accidental governess.
After her livelihood slips through her fingers, Alexandra Mountbatten takes on an impossible post: transforming a pair of wild orphans into proper young ladies. However, the girls don’t need discipline. They need a loving home. Try telling that to their guardian, Chase Reynaud: duke’s heir in the streets and devil in the sheets. The ladies of London have tried—and failed—to make him settle down. Somehow, Alexandra must reach his heart... without risking her own.
The infamous rake.
Like any self-respecting libertine, Chase lives by one rule: no attachments. When a stubborn little governess tries to reform him, he decides to give her an education—in pleasure. That should prove he can’t be tamed. But Alexandra is more than he bargained for: clever, perceptive, passionate. She refuses to see him as a lost cause. Soon the walls around Chase’s heart are crumbling... and he’s in danger of falling, hard.

The second in the "Girl Meets Duke" series, took me back to the characters I fell in love with in The Duchess Deal, then fleshed out Alex and The Bookshop Rake as they got their very own romance, and strengthened my love affair with Tessa Dare.

Dare manages to bottle lightning with these books, creating that pitch perfect blend of wit, characters you root for (even when they're being idiots), interesting plot, and steamy romance. It's like magic, and I found myself laughing out loud at a lot of the scenes with the children. Daisy's inventive daily death, combined with the truly brilliant eulogy's provided by Chase made for some of the funniest moments I've read recently.

If you like well written romance this is for you. If you like well written characters this is for you. If you just like a good book that you can disappear into for a few hours and emerge from with a smile on your face, then this is definitely for you.
It's fun, it's smart, and I am totally sold on this series. I can't wait for the third book later in the year.

Review: The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare

Publication date: August 22nd 2017
Publisher: Avon
Pages: 389

When girl meets Duke, their marriage breaks all the rules… 
Since his return from war, the Duke of Ashbury’s to-do list has been short and anything but sweet: brooding, glowering, menacing London ne’er-do-wells by night. Now there’s a new item on the list. He needs an heir—which means he needs a wife. When Emma Gladstone, a vicar’s daughter turned seamstress, appears in his library wearing a wedding gown, he decides on the spot that she’ll do.
His terms are simple:
- They will be husband and wife by night only.
- No lights, no kissing.
- No questions about his battle scars.
- Last, and most importantly… Once she’s pregnant with his heir, they need never share a bed again.
But Emma is no pushover. She has a few rules of her own:
- They will have dinner together every evening.
- With conversation.
- And unlimited teasing.
- Last, and most importantly… Once she’s seen the man beneath the scars, he can’t stop her from falling in love… 

I have developed a bit of a love for all Tessa Dare novels. It started a couple of years ago, but my flirtation with "Do You Want to Start a Scandal?" over Christmas simply solidified this.

The Duchess Deal is no different. It's smart and funny and seductive and I adored both Ash (lambkin, darling, sweetmeat) and Emma. It's always satisfying when the heroine is both resourceful and strong in her own right. Sure marrying Ash is a smart choice that makes her life easier, but she doesn't just fall into his arms fluttering her eyelashes and wailing at him to save her. No, she doesn't need a man, but if there's one willing to satisfy her in bed then yes please sign her up. Basically I adored her.

Dare also walks the fine line between depth to a story and super dark destruction of all romance. There's enough sass and snark between Emma and Ash that I never tipped into pitying him - he's had a really tough time of it and been treated appallingly, but it's a big case of him just needing to be shown that his ex-fiancée is a terrible person and Emma is totally amazing.

It's got a great cast of supporting characters, including a nice trio of ladies that I'm expecting to get their own novels (OH HEY COPY OF THE GOVERNESS GAME ALREADY ON MY NIGHTSTAND) and the most under appreciated and amazing butler ever. Seriously, I want Khan to appear in all novels from now on.

Basically this has cemented my love for all things Dare. It's smart, it's funny, it's super toe-curlingly-swoon-worthy, and it was exactly what I needed right now. On to the next!

My Christmas Historical Romance Binge (or: 3 mini reviews)

Christmas is a time for comfort. For nesting under a blanket with a cup of tea and a stack of books. (And apparently this year idly half watching my husband play Red Dead Redemption 2 over the top of my pages...)
Nothing screams comfort to me like a good historical romance, so with that in mind I settled in for three days of bingeing.

A Lady's Guide to Improper Behaviour by Suzanne Enoch
The Rules:
A lady should always make polite conversation...
Theresa Weller understands the rules of decorum, and is appalled when Colonel Bartholomew James disrupts a perfectly civilized dinner. This rude, insensitive man is the complete opposite of everything a gentleman should be — but with one searing kiss, Tess can think of no one else.
A lady should never lose her temper...
Aggravated beyond bearing by a man who speaks his mind, Tess wishes there was a guide to men like Bartholomew. Surely, with such an assortment of handsome, polite suitors to choose from, Tess should not ache for him.
A lady should never pursue a gentleman.
She invites him on carriage rides and dares him to dance, and almost makes him want to return to Society. Bartholomew knows Tess wants to be seen as a proper miss, but deep down, he knows she is precisely the sort to spark his desire... A most improper lady.

Sure it's basically the same plot as "England's Perfect Hero" by Enoch, which I loved, so that meant that it fell a little flat. But it had enough else to keep me mildly entertained for a few hours that I didn't overly object. It's not got quite the same spark as Enoch's books used to for me, but it's amusing enough, just steamy enough, and has some relatively good banter between the hero and heroine. However it's also fairly predictable, and my husband found it vastly entertaining to experience the plot purely from my predictions of what was about to happen.

Do You Want to Start a Scandal? By Tessa Dare
On the night of the Parkhurst ball, someone had a scandalous tryst in the library.
• Was it Lord Canby, with the maid, on the divan?
• Or Miss Fairchild, with a rake, against the wall?
• Perhaps the butler did it.
All Charlotte Highwood knows is this: it wasn’t her. But rumors to the contrary are buzzing. Unless she can discover the lovers’ true identity, she’ll be forced to marry Piers Brandon, Lord Granville—the coldest, most arrogantly handsome gentleman she’s ever had the misfortune to embrace. When it comes to emotion, the man hasn’t got a clue.
But as they set about finding the mystery lovers, Piers reveals a few secrets of his own. The oh-so-proper marquess can pick locks, land punches, tease with sly wit... and melt a woman’s knees with a single kiss. The only thing he guards more fiercely than Charlotte’s safety is the truth about his dark past.
Their passion is intense. The danger is real. Soon Charlotte’s feeling torn. Will she risk all to prove her innocence? Or surrender it to a man who’s sworn to never love?

Yes, just yes. Tessa Dare never fails to completely steal me away into whatever story she spins. I adored the mystery, I loved Charlotte and Piers (OH MY THEIR BANTER) and it was super steamy and utterly delicious. After the slightly frustrating start with 'Improper Behaviour' this was exactly what I needed, and I've bought a few more by her so that I can continue this delicious bit of escapism into the New Year.

A Devil in Scotland by Suzanne Enoch
The dawning of desire...
1806, Scotland: Wild, reckless Callum MacCreath is in no hurry to become someone’s husband. But when his responsible, steady older brother Ian announces his engagement to their childhood friend Rebecca, Callum makes a startling discovery: he wants the lovely young lass for himself. But it’s too late, and when Ian banishes him for his duplicity, he’s only too happy to leave Scotland forever…
...is delicious and dangerous.
1816: Marrying Ian was the practical, logical thing for Becca to do. But once Callum sailed away to America, she missed his rakish charm and lust for life. Now, ten years later, Becca is a widow when a much-changed Callum returns to his Scottish homeland. Will he remember their spirited, fiery connection, or does he blame her for his brother’s unexpected death? This time neither of them can deny their scorching attraction, but will their hearts be burned in the blazing heat of scandal?

And then I went on to a fairly recent Suzanne Enoch and regretted my life choices. I used to love Enoch's books - they were feisty and funny and steamy and I loved settling down with one. But this one was absolutely terrible.
There was no steam, no witty banter, nothing beyond some rather limp shirtless hugging and an obsession with a truly terrible whodunnit that was upsettingly obvious right from the start. It was just... bad. Truly, truly bad. And not what I've come to expect from Enoch. It also sparked a bit of a purge, where all her more recent books that have been sitting on my to read pile have been removed. 

Review: Pestilence by Laura Thalassa

Publication Date: March 20th 2018
Publisher: Laura Thalassa
Pages: 383

They came to earth—Pestilence, War, Famine, Death—four horsemen riding their screaming steeds, racing to the corners of the world. Four horsemen with the power to destroy all of humanity. They came to earth, and they came to end us all. 
When Pestilence comes for Sara Burn’s town, one thing is certain: everyone she knows and loves is marked for death. Unless, of course, the angelic-looking horseman is stopped, which is exactly what Sara has in mind when she shoots the unholy beast off his steed. 
Too bad no one told her Pestilence can’t be killed. 
Now the horseman, very much alive and very pissed off, has taken her prisoner, and he’s eager to make her suffer. Only, the longer she’s with him, the more uncertain she is about his true feelings towards her … and hers towards him. 
And now, well, Sara might still be able to save the world, but in order to do so, she'll have to sacrifice her heart in the process.

This book kept on appearing, the name "Pestilence" seemed to be everywhere until eventually I caved and found it on amazon. It then sat on my wishlist for a while as I ummed and ahhed - on the one hand the blurb looked kinda brilliant and the reviews for it were through the roof, on the other, I was nervous of it letting me down after all the hype.

Never fear, this book totally lives up to the hype. It's sassy, it's dark, it's gut wrenching and saucy and utterly brilliant, and once I'd started reading I found it very difficult to stop.

Sara is a compelling heroine. Admittedly she makes some questionable choices at a few points, and seems incredibly distracted by Pestilence's body, but on the whole I really felt for her. She's snarky and relatable and I frequently found myself sniggering at the sass. She's stuck in this incredibly difficult position, and I felt for her. Her shifting emotions and feelings as time went on made sense, instead of just feeling like insta-love and weird and squicky. So bravo on that front.

I also really enjoyed the interactions with other people that the two go through - the different responses, feelings and emotions, and how Sara and Pestilence each deal with those. The anger! The heartbreak! My poor little heart!


I did find the grammatical and spelling errors to be a little frustrating, I feel that things like that really should be picked up before a book is published, and it diminishes my enjoyment of a story because I'm picky and grumpy like that.

However overall I found this to be a really enjoyable story. Ok, maybe enjoyable is the wrong word when you're talking about plague... But still! It was engrossing, I stormed through it in a couple of days, and now I'm here desperately waiting for book 2 "War" to come out next spring.

Review: The Fill-In Boyfriend by Kasie West

Publication Date: May 5th 2015
Publisher: HarperTeen
Pages: 346

When Gia Montgomery's boyfriend, Bradley, dumps her in the parking lot of her high school prom, she has to think fast. After all, she'd been telling her friends about him for months now. This was supposed to be the night she proved he existed. So when she sees a cute guy waiting to pick up his sister, she enlists his help. The task is simple: be her fill-in boyfriend—two hours, zero commitment, a few white lies. After that, she can win back the real Bradley.
The problem is that days after prom, it's not the real Bradley she's thinking about, but the stand-in. The one whose name she doesn't even know. But tracking him down doesn't mean they're done faking a relationship. Gia owes him a favor and his sister intends to see that he collects: his ex-girlfriend's graduation party—three hours, zero commitment, a few white lies.
Just when Gia begins to wonder if she could turn her fake boyfriend into a real one, Bradley comes waltzing back into her life, exposing her lie, and threatening to destroy her friendships and her new-found relationship.

Am I heartless? Did I read this on an off day? Possibly, but the fact remains that after a couple of years of wanting to read this book I finally did, and now I'd like a refund.

I love a good teen romance, there's nothing quite like the butterflies you get along with the protagonist whilst they discover their love. Yet this one never quite got off the ground for me, thanks to poor writing and a terrible cast of characters.

If there's one thing that is guaranteed to frustrate me to the point of mute rage with a book, it's finding grammatical errors like using the wrong your because by the time the book is with the reader, that stuff should have been picked up. So that didn't exactly pre-dispose me to liking it, but the flat writing, stilted dialogue, and unlikeable characters sealed its fate.

I just didn't care about Gia. I think we're meant to feel for her, but she's so shallow and vapid and unlikeable that it becomes incredibly hard to feel anything other than frustration and annoyance with her.

I wanted to put aside my frustrations and just enjoy it for what it's meant to be - a cute, light, romance. But I just couldn't. The dialogue was stilted, the writing really awkward, and I was left feeling like I'd just wasted my time when I finished.
As a first foray into West's writing, this has definitely put me off. So help a girl out - if you really like West's books, what would you recommend I try next to get me on board?

Film Review: Sierra Burgess is a Loser

Warning for all the spoilers, as I rant at great length about this film.

After the brilliance of two new romantic comedies on Netflix, "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" and "Set it Up", I was understandably excited about watching the much hyped (HI NOAH CENTINEO) "Sierra Burgess" film.
However when the credits finally rolled I was left feeling not that she was a loser, but that Sierra Burgess is Problematic...

A modern retelling of a frankly problematic story ("Cyrano de Bergerac" by Edmond Rostand) seemed to be an odd move, but the cast was fresh and exciting enough that I was willing to put my doubts aside and go in with an open mind. However the problems with the original story become all the more twisted and squicky in this modern, gender flipped version.

When we are first introduced to Sierra she seems smart, funny, has a great relationship with both her parents and best friend Dan (frankly some of the best comedy comes from him) and has her little niche of the world carved out thank you very much.
But then a sexy boy starts texting her. The sexy boy that we're meant to believe is too ugly and too much of a loser for popular girl Veronica to bother with, which is why Veronica gives aforementioned guy of sexynotsexyness!Jamey Sierra's number instead - with me so far?
And suddenly all of the character built up for Sierra goes poof. She's suddenly shallow and obsessed with looks and has gone completely gooey for sexynotsexy!Jamey and it is so insanely cringey that I developed eye strain from rolling them so hard.

Sierra realises that sexynotsexy!Jamey does not know who she is and thinks she's Veronica, and instead of embracing her smart, funny self and telling him he's made a mistake, she immediately decides that pretending to be Veronica is the best idea ever. Because catfishing someone is the way to start all great love stories...

I will admit that the breathless anticipation and electric charge of messaging someone you like is captured beautifully, but underpinning all of that is the horrible messedupness of this entire situation, so it's hard to just sit back and enjoy this blossoming teen love story. It's also incredibly frustrating because instead of doing the latest craze of popping text messages out onto the screen so you can actually see what the character's are writing to each other, this film decides to just leave them on the phone screens so quite often I had no idea what was being said. I know my eyesight isn't great, but surely a film that involves a lot of texting should have put a little more thought into the audience being able to read said texts?...

Then Sierra realises that the only way to keep up this ruse (WHY SIERRA, WHY?!) is to persuade Veronica to get in on this. Which she does, because Veronica is frankly too good for this movie, and once she drops the mean girl act becomes one of my favourite characters.
My favourite part of this whole train-wreck was the relationship between Sierra and Veronica, and frankly I would be a lot happier if they'd just ignored any romance by the end and focussed on this strong and powerful friendship that develops between the most unlikely of girls. It's wonderful to watch, truly, and it's the only thing that really salvages this movie. (That and shirtless Noah Centineo, because I am not made of stone.)

Thus begins a truly, truly awful plan. Which involves Sierra messaging Veronica answers to sexynotsexy!Jamey's questions whilst Veronica and Jamey are out on a date WHICH MAKES NO SENSE AND IS SO UNSUBTLY DONE HOW DOES HE NOT NOTICE. He then goes in for a kiss with Veronica (although why he's not running for the hills by now is a question for the ages) only she insists he closes his eyes and instead swaps out with Sierra so she can have her first kiss with him.

Wait.

I'm sorry.

WHAT?????

The consent issues alone with this are enough to make me get shouty. (If you can't see the issues with it, then gender swap that situation around and it becomes blindingly obvious how problematic it is.) And they thought this was a good, sweet, romantic idea for a film?...

Then we have a truly horrifically done scene where Sierra pretends to be deaf so she can't speak with sexynotsexy!Jamey so he won't recognise her voice, only the punchline here is meant to be that Jamey's little brother is actually deaf so he does in fact understand sign language.

Just going to give that one a minute to sink in.

Who signed off on this film and didn't think that might not be the best idea?...
Particularly once you add in the transphobic and homophobic comments that are thrown in as punchlines and miss the mark so badly that it boggles the mind.
It's a script that just is so tonally deaf to everything that has been going on around it in the world, and yet still thinks it's so funny and clever. It's not, really it's not.

Then we get to the punchline, I mean climax, of the film. Sierra sees Veronica kissing Jamey. Gasp.
Let's unpack that one for a minute.
First of all, Veronica has (admittedly agreed to it, but still) been trapped into this fake relationship with a guy that she is now admitting is a little bit sexier than first given credit for, but she's pretending to be the Veronica that Sierra has been. Her consent really is questionable at this point. Her being kissed by Jamey to keep up the charade for Sierra is squicky, sure, but she is trying to be a good friend here, and she stops the kiss almost as soon as it starts. Sierra going off on one about this when this entire situation is her fault, makes me pull this face.

Then, in her brilliant clever-student level headedness (seriously, we keep being told she's an amazing student, but I have seen no evidence of this with her terrible decision making over the last hour) Sierra hacks into Veronica's Instagram account and posts a really intimate picture of Veronica and a guy she has spent the film liking, with a screenshot of him dumping her over DM. This is then sent as an alert to all the other students, and one bright spark decides to project it up on the big screen at the soccer game for maximum lols. And by lols I mean petty, hideous revenge.

Why does she do this? Oh, because Veronica is a mean girl who deserves it.

I don't really have any words to actually express my feelings about this. We're meant to empathise with Sierra, hell we're meant to like Sierra and root for her throughout the film, but mostly I just want to throw things at her and shout at her for being a monumental jerk.

It all comes out, Jamey discovers what's been going on, excrement hits fans, and Sierra is left crying alone in her room. I think we're meant to feel sorry for her at this point, but frankly I think Veronica and Jamey deserve more sympathy and their own upset piano playing montage.

Sierra then experiences mild shunning from Veronica, Jamey, and best friend Dan. She writes a song about how hard it is not being conventionally beautiful. She sends said song to Veronica, she patches things up with Dan  ignores all the problems and somehow Dan and her are magically friends again. Sierra is tragically sad but she will survive.

Then Veronica goes to Jamey and plays him Sierra's sad song (admittedly it is a very nice song, but I'm still grumpy right now) because apparently a sad song about why life is so tough for Sierra, and how much she loves Jamey is enough to make Veronica forgive Sierra for the awful things she did. And suddenly Jamey is all OH I DO LIKE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST AND LIED ALL THE LOTS LET'S GO TO HOMECOMING.
And Veronica and Sierra forgive through the magical form of not communicating and just hugging, THE END.

I mean, really, there is so much wrong with that. We're shown that a smart, intelligent, funny girl goes absolutely googly over this sexynotsexy! guy, loses all rational thought, lies to him, manipulates him and her new found friend, turns into an irrational crazed person, takes away his consent over their first kiss, publicly slut shames her friend, and then IT'S ALL OK AND SHE GETS THE GUY ANYWAY WITH NO REPERCUSSIONS.

WHAT WAS THIS FILM ATTEMPTING TO SHOW US?! CATFISHING AND LYING HELPS YOU GET THE GUY YOU LOVE?!

So, uh, yeah. Feelings, lots of them. Not good feelings. Frankly I want a do-over which just focuses on the glorious friendship between Veronica and Sierra. That's all I want, just that.

Do I regret watching this film? Yes. Would I recommend it? Well, there are elements that were enjoyable, and I think if you're aware of how problematic it is going in then you're less likely to combust from rage, but this film is a really terrifying look at how not self aware some portions of the film making industry are. Seriously guys, go take a long hard look in the mirror, because if this is what passes for romance and how to get that sexynotsexy! guy of your dreams, we have got a lot of problems...