Gossip Girl Review: The Kids Stay In The Picture

'The Kids Stay In The Picture'

A very belated review for the family portrait of insanity and the family you wish you weren't related to...

Previously on Gossip Girl: Nate pretended to have a storyline, Chuck pretended he gave a damn about getting his father’s business back, Dan and Blair created infamous history by kissing, Lily tried to redeem her awfulness, and the Van Der Woodsens circled the wagons…

Nothing like a good bit of Dorota and Blair banter to remind us a few of the reasons we have to love this show. Of course Blair has taken to her bed after that kiss, and of course Dorota would try to cheer her up by showing her someone else’s life is worse, and of course Blair has a big bell with which to summon her at any time…

Chuck – master of weird morning run ins with exes who are currently sleeping with his best friend/Man bangs who only has a plot when he’s sleeping with someone. Although wasn’t Chuck supposed to be running off to find Blair when we last saw him – what happened?

Ahaha – Chuck you perv. You wait to ring Serena until you’ve seen she’s entered the building off the TV that’s reporting the news. You voyeur you.

This is a whole week later? The news reporters seem more next day than a week old news. Then again this is the Van der Woodsen’s… Although this does explain why Dan looked quite so dejected at having no messages, and why Chuck is peeved with Blair.

The devil and the angel – Lily’s going to have her work cut out with these two.. But she is back in my good graces (for now) for stepping up and actually acting vaguely like a parent for the first time in weeks. Lets see if Rufus manages to become something other than a coat rack this week – the poor guy needs something to do… At least he’ll have sparring with the original Mr VdW to keep him occupied.

CECE – I’ve missed you and your evil ways…
“Oh darling – you look lovely in your mug shot!” Glad we’re focused on the really important stuff here.

Why is Dan reorganising his books? Is he turning Jenny’s old room into a library? If he is that means she can NEVER COME BACK. Which is a good thing since they/she destroyed that character after season 2.

“Hm, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you pass up a chance to save Serena. And you’re alphabetizing – what’s up?” Ah Eric, if only they all listened to you, everyone would get along much better.
Also, you’re a genius. “I will take your secret to my grave, but laughter is an uncontrollable bodily response.” What’s a guy to do?

Whilst I’m grumpy that they wussed out and didn’t let us actually see the famed kiss properly, it’s almost worth it to hear Dan sum up the events that followed. That poor guy – he never stood a chance against Blair.

“You know and she does smell nice…”
“You are ass backwards crushing on Blair Waldorf!” See! Everyone listen to Eric!

“Take that away Dorota, I can’t eat! I rang to ask you to call the doctor – I think I have consumption.” Ha! One kiss and Blair takes to her bed for a week convinced she’s dying of consumption. I love this girl. No one else could possibly pull this off.

Oh Bass you bastard. Why must you always play the games?!
Also urgh points for the fact that Chuck thinks that Blair just needs to ‘feel powerful again’ and then he can have her. He has no grasp of how awesome that girl is or how she will totally not be satisfied with ‘feeling powerful’ she has to BE powerful.

I like Carol. She had better continue to live up to expectations. She’s got it spot on with keeping up with the younger actresses portrayal. “And Lily’s husbands 1 and 5!”

Worst way to introduce yourself ever. I kind of don’t like Charlie already. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt for now though. Also Serena is way too trusting – the press will do anything to get a story, and you’ve never met your cousin before, get some ID verification woman!

Although I am loving the interactions between Cece and Daddy VdW. Just the contrast between that and how she treats Rufus. I guess we know which husband Cece preferred out of Lily’s catalogue of them…

Yeah really not liking Charlie. Is she the new Lonely Boy? Now that Dan has, you know, stopped being lonely and is just incestuous?

Urgh. Whilst I like the idea of Lily going through old family photo albums of her and Carol, how on earth would they have a picture of them sat at the back of the bus at the end of the flashback episode?! Little things like that peeve me. At least choose a shot that someone might actually have taken a photo of!
Something about Lily trying to act like a sibling isn’t quite working – it just seems too awkward. The idea is there but it just ends up cringe worthy.

Yay – chinese whispers texting to get Bass all riled up. He deserves it. He is totally not in my good books at the moment. Which is impressive because he’s done a lot of truly awful things and somehow managed to stay in them before.

Why?! Why is Vanessa back!? Who let her in? Urgh. This episode has gone downhill just with her being in it.

Oh God – Serena and Charlie are bonding over family heirlooms. This whole thing is weird and I hate it. Make it stop.

“Rufus! We found leg warmers! No I’m not drunk…” Yes – I like these two together. Way way better than the mini me version currently trading secrets and pledging to be blood brothers in the corner.

Ah Chuck, you are inadvertently spot on this time. And so the chinese whispers get worse… Now you’re making Dan go all gooey inside over the ‘life changing’ aspect. Things can only get worse from here…
However I do like Chuck’s arrogant assumption that the cretins are only useful for the dribbles of information they spew. He should so be in a black and white crime movie. With a cigar. And a trilby hat.
Although he’s tipped back in the disliking with the fact that he’s now going to stomp all over Dan. For sport.

Eesh, I think the whole Rhode family tree is inbred and slightly weird given how they’ve all turned out. I’m hoping there’s going to be some sort of explanation for how rubbish Carol is being. Necklace? Return all the shopping? So not fair…

Eric totally wins for being able to tell a fake made up category at forty paces. Shame Dan appears to have lost his brain cells since kissing Blair. This can only end badly with a Bass and a revenge vendetta.

Yay – true love wins out! Or it would if Chuck wasn’t scheming and meddling. Somehow I don’t think  Blair is going to need that overnight bag…
“Humphrey more Labrador than toad.” I love you Dorota.

Whilst I’m not fussed on the whole Raina/Man bangs storyline, I’m kind of glad that we at least get to see a little of manbangs. I just hope this picks up as it’s supposedly meant to be a part of the finale, and right now I couldn’t care less about this plot line.

Yay – for all the family faults it’s so nice to see actual family moments with Lily and Serena, it makes all the pants stuff where Lily’s being completely selfish seem almost vaguely worth while.
Hm it seems deception really is in the blood. Carol is just as bad as the rest of them.

HA in your FACE Bass. Although he does look kind of broken at the end of that. It’s nice to see things blow up a little earlier than maybe they otherwise would have, and to see Blair actually realize it’s Chuck being a bum and call him on it.
Although Dan really does look like a Labrador when he realises Blair doesn’t have feeling for him. The thing is Chuck really can’t yell at Blair for a single kiss with Dan when Chuck himself has fallen in love with TWO other women since Blair! I mean the guy is a walking hypocrite!
I just love that Blair doesn’t immediately fall back on Chuck, she can see he’s a bum and so she will go off and do her own thing.

“Does anyone want to be in this picture? Or in this family?”
“I do!” Ah Charlie, obviously no one has told you what a big mistake that would be – however it does save everyone from having to answer…

Yes – strike one to Blair. I love Chuck and Blair as a couple but she’s right, he really needs to grow up and sort himself out a bit before he’ll ever be good enough for Blair. She’s grown and developed so much over the last few seasons. And Chuck was growing, but he kind of lost it and went backwards for a while. He just needs to sort himself out.

I’m glad that Daddy VdW hadn’t done something wrong this time – it seems a bit bland to just make him the villain every time something goes wrong. I love seeing him and Lily interact though, there’s something more there than there is with Rufus. There used to be something with Rufus, but they’ve really lost it since the start of season 3, which is a shame, because it used to be quite a cool storyline.
I’m intrigued to see how bad it gets for Lily and her sentence – whether they’ll actually send her away for years, or whether they’ll find some way to get her out of it. As Dan pointed out in series 1, money can buy you out of everything.

Urgh Vanessa, LEAVE.
Is it just me or does Blair sound a little bit disappointed when Dan says that the kiss meant nothing… Do we see something more happening between them over the next few weeks?... I hope so.
Oooo and there is a definite edge of snark when Blair tells Dan that his princess is out there too and nods to Serena.

I love the mini call back to the Blair Waldorf sleepover – you just know that’s so one of the famed beds that Charlie is sleeping on. Poor girl, she has no idea what she’s letting herself in for.
Anyone else slightly creeped out by Charlie trying on and going through Serena’s stuff? I have a feeling there may be boundary issues in episodes to come.

I sense impending doom and scandal “what happened wasn’t so long ago.” And to what do we think Carol is reffering?.. Bland Charlie might be about to get interesting.
“A few months ago at college…” Ooo I’m intrigued, do tell me more Aunt Carol…

Yay, Rufus comes through. He gets points for this family photo, although it was a little predictable. What wasn’t predictable though were Carol’s concerned looks at Dan and Charlie, and Dan’s incestuous looks at Charlie. Does this boy not realize there are other women in NY that he isn’t related to?... On a side note, if this is a family photo why is Chuck not being included? He’s family too!

Eee - maybe that's why they didn't include him. Chuck looks seriously haunted, lonely and a little hunchbacked in those photos of him. He needs to sort himself out pronto else we’re going to have to start calling him Scrooge.

Wooo the Prince is back, complete with Cinderella shoe! I wasn’t all that fussed on him, but maybe with more screen time I’ll come to like him more. And face it, Blair needs a bit of happiness in her life at the moment. The boys in New York suck.

So all in all not the most amazing episode of Gossip Girl. It lacked some of the spark, scandal and espionage that makes a classic GG episode. However it did do some solid building on plot lines left trailing before the hiatus. And for once the plot holes didn’t outshine the actual plot. Whilst I’m still not over the moon about how this season is progressing, I am curious to see what the Prince brings to the mix, so I’ll keep watching, and keep hoping that they might one day manage to get back on track and give us the A game we came to expect in Season 1.