Saturday, 14 May 2011

Gossip Girl Review: Shattered Bass

'Shattered Bass'
Where I hate on Chuck a lot, and everyone stops taking their non-crazy pills.

Previously on Gossip Girl: Charlie is starting to go crazy (or you know, going back there) Chuck fell off the wagon and lost all of his fans in one swift move. Raina continued to be useless, Serena was a bitch and Blair got engaged to the Prince.

Sure writers and producers, it definitely isn’t abuse when the girl involved wakes up from nightmares of shattering glass, touching the cheek that was cut by said glass. You continue to fight your useless corner.

Nate, so long as you continue to judge Chuck for being such a dick to Blair, I will stop calling you Man Bangs and refer to you by your real name. I will also stop insulting your relationship with Raina. That is all.

Anyone else wanting to throw things at the screen over the fact that not only is Chuck acting like he isn’t the biggest jerk in the world, but he also appears to not be suffering the hangover of evilness?

“I saw what you did to Blair.”
Whilst Nate gets points for calling Chuck on what he did to Blair, could he sound any more petulant when he says he’s going to stay with Raina?

Ahaha, they are such a married couple.
“If you walk out, don’t be here when I get back.”
“Don’t worry I’m already gone.”

I like Serena’s dress, and I like her attitude towards Vanessa, but I still dislike her.

Although I am in a better frame of mind since they have FINALLY decided to drop Vanessa and Jenny from the regular cast. *happy dance*

Oh good lord, he’s letting her feed him already. Run! RUN FOR THE HILLS.
And he’s got his eyes closed and is guessing the colours? This boy is far too trusting. Has Dan learnt nothing over the last four years?

Woah woah woah, did he just let her kiss him? Are they onto kissing already? Oh god. Someone save him.

CYRUS IS BACK. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I love him.

Oh goody. Jack Bass is back. Can you sense my enthusiasm?
He’s back ten seconds and already putting the moves on Raina. Can we just kill off all the Bass’s now please? Epic explosion. It’ll be tragic. But brilliant.

“While I love making my nephew suffer, what, besides entertainment, is in it for me?”

“You brought in Jack Bass?” Nate is swiftly entering a realm that has only been inhabited by Eric so far – the one that houses those with common sense. Wow Nate, I’m impressed.

Raina, you have no idea what you’re doing. Idiot.

Charlie is on medication? The alarm bells are doing a little dance in my head.

Ooo Rufus, was that a flicker of worry? Cos if it was you may join Nate and Eric at the semi grown ups table.

“Chuck is out of my life for good. You can rest assured that my family and friends are nothing like him. Most of the time.” Oh Blair, you keep trying to rise above it all, and they’re just going to keep dragging you back down.

Woah, does Mommy Royal have some in built lie sensor? Like a gaydar but potentially more lethal?

If Blair is running to Chuck I may throw things.

Charlie is going to give Serena a bigger ego problem than she already has if she carries on make comments like that – “you’re like my fairy god-cousin.” Creepy. Very creepy.

Why make a bold move like that scene with Chuck and Blair, which I didn’t like but had no problem with, and then go on record saying it wasn’t abuse. My problem is that you have backtracked and said it isn’t abuse, when it clearly was.

To then have Chuck acting like it’s no big deal and act like Blair is being an idiot who has finally come to her senses, and Blair go rushing off to warn him about Jack as if nothing is wrong? That’s awful. If you’re going to have situations like that, deal with them, don’t just brush them under the rug.
I will now get down off my soap box, but this farce of a relationship between Blair and Chuck is never going to mean anything for me. Not until they suitably address what went on in last week’s episode.

Although Blair does get points for wincing when he touches her, and the line “risking my well-being” at least someone on this show has some vague idea that she might have actually been scared and effected by what Chuck did.
How does Blair not notice the highly conspicuous black limo parked directly opposite her? Quel sigh.

And Daddy Thorpe is back in the picture. Wow a conversation about the fact that they’re all actually children? Good lord, I thought this show had forgotten that fact.

However, that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t actually trust these ‘adults’.
Huh. Whatever those pills used to do, I don’t think they’re going to be doing it for much longer.

Does anyone ever think things through logically on this show? Why tip away all the pills and then dump the empty container in a waste basket in the middle of the living room where anyone can see them/find them. Tsk. These upper east siders. They think they’re good at schemes, but they fall at the first hurdle.

Oh Cyrus, surely even you would know not to hug a Royal…

Does Serena not find it weird giving Charlie dating tips for a night with Dan? 
Since she flipped over one kiss between him and Blair this seems a little weird.

Ha! I love that all it takes for Mommy Royal to love Blair is half an hour with Cyrus. That guy should spend an hour with Chuck, maybe he might be able to mould him into a human being.
Oh Cyrus I’ve missed you and your crazy way with word (and apparent obsession with birds…)

Chuck is drunk again? How much is he drinking? Didn’t it take him a few days solid to get to the weaving stage last time? Or has he just not stopped at all?
Oh this is just such a pants spiral. Chuck’s drunk and angry enough to go for Nate now? Eesh.
So Chuck’s off to rehab? Or a mental institute? Which one would be more fun?

Serena is getting major fashion points this episode. I love her outfits!

I can’t decide if I like Blair’s gown or not. I love bits of it, but the sequins seem a little much. They keep distracting me from the conversation Blair and Louis are having – shiny things tend to have that effect on me…

Woah, Louis telling Blair off for having a dark side after pointing out that it was Chuck who hurt Blair and is the reason she has a cut on her face?
This guy is supposed to be in love with her and care for her. This doesn’t seem very caring. He should be wanting to pulverize Chuck for hurting her in the first place.

“I want you to show me all the parts of yourself, even the parts you’re ashamed of.”
“Maybe if we don’t talk about them, they’ll just go away.” It’s moments like this when Blair seems like a vulnerable young woman again. She acts so grown up all the time, and really she just needs someone to love and protect her. And whilst Louis seems to be the best bet at the moment, he’s not doing a good job of protecting her.
On a side note, has Blair told anyone about what Chuck did to her?

Oh good god. The bitch has gone crazy.
It’s just as well they got rid of Jenny Humphrey – there’s only so much crazy this show can take at once. Although if Georgina shows up we may over dose on the crazy…

Serena, you’re so observant. “That’s my dress.”

Oh Daddy Thorpe, you so sly about going through Chuck’s suite.
As grumpy as I am with Chuck, I do love it when characters you don’t expect to come together, do. And this is quite an awesome threesome of revenge against the big bad.

Oooooo! So it wasn’t Daddy Bass who killed Mommy Thorpe, it was Daddy Thorpe! He must have really loved his wife…

Wait, Dan doesn’t remember that dress?! Or is he just blinded at the thought of getting laid at the end of the night? How can he not remember that?!
“I think I would know, and so should you since you were my date.”
Did Dan forget to take his non-crazy pills too?!

“Can we just call the cops? I’m hungry and all you seem to have are olives and hallucinogenic mushrooms.”
I hate Jack Bass. I hate Chuck. And I hate the writer’s for making me like them with this. If there is one thing Gossip Girl can do, it’s take downs. Sometimes with shockingly bad plots, but take downs all the same. Particularly the ones with unlikely allies.

Oh good, so Daddy Thorpe meant to kill Bart rather than his wife. Well that makes it all ok…

“Unless we’re close to the end of this sob story, I’m gonna order room service.” I love hate you Jack Bass.

“I can’t choose my entrée with hall of fame playing in the background – I’m calling the cops.” Wow, the only guy with sense is actually a grown up for once.

“Hey girls, can we at least get my plane fare home out of this?” Should he be being this funny in a big intense scene? This is the most comedy we’ve had on this show in ages.

CYRUS SAID PRINCESS BRIDE. I LOVE HIM. Ahem. Sorry, fan girl moment.

“Chuck was the only one who ever could – but he couldn’t see the rest.” That about sums up their relationship.

Wow, Nate is whipped right now. And Raina gets less likeable the more I see of her.
Hey Nate, you remember that scene two minutes ago where we weren’t supposed to let Raina know what actually happened to her Mom? Were you listening at all?

Ha, of course it’s Rufus to look in the bin. Who else in this flat would ever do that.

I think Charlie is the first person in a very long time to get excited about going to school. Admittedly in a ball gown, but you get my point.
If this is her after a few hours, how crazy is she going to get?...

Jack and Chuck actually on the same team? Are mine eyes deceiving me? And does Chuck actually think he can win Blair back after his performance the other day, plus the moment on the roof? He’s such an idiot.

When confronted by his daughter saying that he murdered her mother, Daddy Thorpe’s response is “why don’t you let me take you to dinner and we can talk about it.” Did everybody forget to take their crazy pills???

“You’re as dead to me as my Mother is.” Would someone please give this girl some decent dialogue?

“It’s Waldorf level scheming but Blair’s in love with her Prince – it’s all Charlie.” Ha, totally called this back when she arrived that Charlie was a mini B in the making. Only, you know, scarier.

Wow, blast from the past with some of the old faces. I miss the good old days of school. Back where the show was actually good. Hold on, I’m getting all nostalgic for the days of almost deaths in the pool and pregnancy scares. Give me a moment.

“No I was pretty much the anti-crazy.”
“Huh. We’re going to have to fix that.” No no, I beg you, please don’t, not when you’re on withdrawal from the pills…

Sorry, but that is not Headmistress Queller’s office. Just saying.

Wait, she actually just stripped and told him he shouldn’t leave high school without doing it on a desk?
Where has Charlie been all these years?...

Ok, actually turning into quite a hot make out scene until that…
“You can call me Serena.”
I think Dan gets it spot on here. WHAT?

Oh good, Miss Crazy now has funds. What the hell is she going to do next?

I love that Blair doesn’t know Charlie by anything other than Serena’s cousin. It’s so fitting – everything is beneath her notice. Or at least it is until she works out that there’s a new crazy bitch aiming for the throne.

So why if it ‘ended pretty badly’ is everyone calmly stood around chatting about it and not actually doing something? Ah yes, because we have to let it get out of hand so there’s a good plot first.

“Have you seen real Blair?” I love that there are mini Blair’s and Serena’s at this party! Although they seem way too young to be there…

Aw crap. Crazy guy has Blair on the roof. This can never end well.

Right, so this episode was a mixed bag for me. On the one hand, it was fab classic gossip girl. With laughs, unholy alliances, crazy and schemes. It was everything I love about this show.

What’s making me grumpy is that it feels as though the writer’s really haven’t resolved the scene at the end of last weeks Gossip Girl between Chuck and Blair. I have no problem with the scene itself, but there should be some sort of dealing with it, instead of Blair being a forgiving idiot, and Chuck continuing to be a twat until it suits him to go after her again.
If that’s the idealised romantic relationship that the show is promoting then god help us all.

Last week I was about ready to give up on the show, which was why I was so reluctant to watch this week’s episode. However, this week was a very good episode. So I’m on the fence.

On the other hand, I am loving Charlie. She may be completely off the rails, and about to get worse, but I cannot wait to see what happens. I’m so glad they’ve made her a series regular, she’s bringing a much needed breath of fresh awesome to the table.

And whilst I want to be upset and worried about the fate of Blair up on that roof with a crazy guy, I’m really not.
There is no way this show would kill off its strongest player. Which makes this just seem a bit flat. Give me a real cliff hanger. Up the stakes. Kill some people we don’t expect, and bring back some of the spark we used to get on a weekly basis with this show.

But this is just my thoughts and ramblings – what did you guys think? Have you forgive Chuck? Who are you rooting for? Will Blair manage to get off the roof without breaking a nail? We’ll find out on Monday…

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