The Vampire Diaries: The House Guest Review

‘The House Guest’
Previously on The Vampire Diaries:
doppelgängers caused havoc, deals and
betrayals galore. Oh and some stabbing too.Lots of stabbing.

We’re facing another month long hiatus – because someone just loves to drag out the torment… So tonight’s episode was always going to be awesome, but you just know it’s going to be even more than awesome when Nina Dobrev is going to be talking to herself. I love her multiple personalities.
So as always, I’ve noted down my comments and musings as I’ve watched the episode – so you get action, heart wrenching and omg moments live from my sofa.
See you on the other side…

It's Tuesday!

“Stefan, it’s school – remember that thing that we keep forgetting about.” Oh yeah…Glad someone remembered!

So apparently all it takes for Stefan to have a hot and heavy make out session with what I hope is Elena, but hey, you never know in this house! Is agreeing that she’s right and to do everything she asks! Dominatrix anyone?

“Oops, my bad bro – just strangling your gf!”

Ahaha, oh dear lord this is brilliant. Salvatore brothers – going crazy since 1864. Katherine sure knows how to make them throw a loop and hurt the girl they both love. Oh it’s too much. Although points to Damon for spotting the fake one first off!

Elena: Bitch please!

Oh Elena could you sound more whiney right now? “I don’t want her here, get her out of here Stefan – and get me a pony on your way back!”
I love the double Dobrev here – I have missed Katherine/Elena schizophrenia.

“Yeah that’s all he said. That and stop being a douche and take care of Caroline – but I’m feeling too manly to admit to my feelings for you right now.” Urgh, Matt, get rid of the icky ridiculous man thing you have going on right now – I liked it when you were the only decent and lovely bloke in Mystic Falls. You’re shattering all my illusions that there were still decent men left!
Oh puppy I take it back – you made me go all smushy inside with your hurtyness. Smooch already!
(How long until Caroline snaps and tells him?...)

Might possibly be Wednesday now.

You know Stefan’s in a good mood when the car comes out to play. How much does Elena want Katherine gone because she finds it icky that each brother could be having fun with a copy of her. Ooo hijinks is so going to ensue with this one.
Also, perhaps now would be a good time to make some sort of colour coding top thing so that Stefan can always tell which one is Elena? No? That would be the sensible plan…

“That doesn’t mean I want her shacking up with you.” Ha. Jealous much? You’re practically shacking up with Stefan at the moment, and Kathy was naked in Damon’s bathroom last night, so I think you’re ok for ooo at least twenty minutes.

“It’s kind of a girls night – maybe Katherine can join us.” OH MY GOD I WOULD PAY GOOD MONEY TO SEE THAT SLUMBER PARTY. Make it happen people.

Damon when did you get all bad ass with the flame thrower, I thought that was Stefan’s job? Also, why does it not surprise me that Katherine seems surprisingly turned on by burning flesh. Sigh. Vampires. Tsk.

I know it’s a model, but it’s kind of alarming seeing Elijah all death like and smoking after Damon’s just tried to roast him.

Oh Damon sweetie, you’re so cute when you keep getting repeatedly punched in the face by Katherine as she reminds you time after time, she really couldn’t give a crap – you were just mildly entertaining and quite good in bed, but ultimately too clingy. She should see Stefan some days – that guy takes clingy to the max. Maybe then she wouldn’t be so hung up on him.

“Why are you still here?” – Damon needs some aspirin. Or a sorority girl.
“Because you haven’t forcibly removed me.”
*Lifts flamethrower and points.* oh go on, I dare you…

No matter how many times Katherine says she’s being honest about helping, I don’t trust her even a smidge. But I love that she’s here.

Welcome to the awkward kiss dodging lockers of doom! Embarrassment galore!
Although that little kiss and look down the hall is *really* cute. I love it. It makes me squee.

Alaric, I know Elena is family so should be included, but also shouldn’t this conversation be held with someone who isn’t your student?... Maybe with an adult? A psychologist maybe? Wow that would be a fun session.
Good move Alaric, put your future happiness in the hands of a teenager! God I love this show. And that’s said with no sarcasm at all. I genuinely love that this show does that.

Luca, you baffle me. You’ve been roofied, brain raped, almost died from power being sucked out of you by this girl, and yet you still persuade your father to meet with her and her vampy scary best friends boy friend. You worry me a touch. Does your father do nasty things to you when you’re off screen?

Yeah Stefan, I wouldn’t go bandying trust about like that. Daddy Witch doesn’t look like he’s going to reciprocate, and his son is mentally unstable – I think things are going to go downhill from here...

Slapsies turn into piano thumping pinning. Oh Damon you know how to turn a girl on. I need some water. “If it’s any consolation, I’m glad that you’re not dead.” I’m glad too. Very glad. Actually I think most of the world is. Take that on board please, don’t go all suicidal pouty just because Katherine’s an idiot for not choosing you. WE LOVE YOU DAMON. Maybe we should set up a support group?

“You’re gonna kill them?”
“No I’m gonna let Elijah do it.”
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I can has Elijah now please?

Urgh product placement. I want one.
I like that these slumber parties are back to being a regular feature. I hated when Bonnie was being all judgy.

The one where everybody
learnt to read.

Haha! Never mind the terrors that are plaguing our town – what movie are we going to watch?!

Much as I love the Jenna joining in thing, these are probably not the best people to be talking to. What with them knowing EVERYTHING and you knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Just a pointer.

Stefan was having problems with some
of the longer words.

Uhho, Caroline’s having a crisis. Vampire Barbie may cry at any moment. Also, Jenna is talking Caroline into telling Matt (inadvertently) and they’re all going to convince Elena to tell Ric to tell Jenna the truth. Ha! I figured it out! Well, we’ll see, but my money is on this scenario playing out. Or not, and me looking like a fool. Both are good.

We’ve moved from depressing films to dancing! Where both boys will most likely be! I like it! To The Grill people!

I think people might like Luca and Daddy Witch more if we’d had more stuff like this earlier! I get that they were all ambiguous and we didn’t know who’s side or what was going on. But suddenly, a little more time on them, and I’m not so peeved with them. Oh I’m still mad – just a little less. And the fact that they’re bringing back my baby has NOTHING to do with this. Really.

“Can I help you?”
“I’m bored.”
*sigh* Ah Damon, you know what happens when  a vampire gets bored. It will involve killing/drink/topless dancing – not necessarily in that order. Quick, entertain her!

Luca could have been so much creepier if he'd
done this more

Oh no… Luca thinks she’s Elena. This is not going to go down well. Seriously, no matter how many times they play the Katherine is Elena game, it never gets old!

Smoooooth Salvatore’s. I like your style. Elena’s jedi non-speaky tricks have rubbed off on you.

OH MY GOD THE TENSION IS KILLING ME. Need to breathe. Need to breathe. I love this whole invisible ghosty Luca, it’s so cool. But did he stab her too low?! I don’t want her to die!!!! ARGH.

That’d be a no she’s ok. Just a flesh wound. We’re good. But that dagger on the other hand. Rise and shine!

LUCA! FLAMES! DAMON! “Some kind of crazy ass witch psychic attack – get over there and do something about it.” I love it when Damon is hands on.

Ooooo burnt Luca is less pretty. Why do witches always have to turn to their spell books when someone they love dies? Wouldn’t they learn some emergency revival spell, you know, just in case? Apparently not.

Daddy witch, if you’d had more screen time and been a little less of a brick wall of unrelentingness, I might feel your pain. As it is, sad face that Luca is no more. Non-plussed face at the water works.

The almighty grill of repairing broken hearts.
One Ric – check.
Jenna – check.
Caroline – check.
Matt – check.
Go forth and sort yourselves out!

YES! Elena, the only person talking any sense right now. She gets points for that. And possibly a t-shirt saying something along the lines of ‘sense talker’. I can see her rocking that.

Now let me live out my rock star fantasy

“This isn’t going to end well.” Says the woman currently main lining tequila. I think Caroline has a better shot right now.

Also, nice mind wiggy Caroline – I like it.
I LOVE IT. Words cannot express my love. She’s good, and it’s kind of embarrassing and cringey and awesome all at the same time.

YES YES YES YES YES. Sorry. Having a moment. I love Matt. And Caroline. This is epic. This is teenage epic vampire love right there. AND HE DID THE DIP! Oh where are the Matt’s in this world?...

Is Daddy Witch going to turn into the Incredible Hulk now? Cos I think we’re got enough supernatural creatures for the moment.

Why do they always forget that Daddy Witch can do the mind wiggy thing? Not cool Stefan – you are no longer heroic. You’re just having an aneurism. Repeatedly. Tsk, no use to anyone like that.

Phew – for a minute there I thought Damon was being nice to Katherine. My mistake.

“So you chose Stefan. Again.” When is Damon going to learn that when it comes to girls who look like Nina Dobrev, the hero hairdo is always going to work. Although why Katherine feels the need to repeatedly punch Damon in the face with this fact is beyond me. Seems a little beyond cruel. Once, maybe twice, but every half an hour? C’mon, give the guy a break. 

“Would you rather I lie?” IF IT STOPS HIM LOOKING LIKE HE’S GOING TO CRY YOU MEAN VAMPIRE YOU.

Matt + Caroline + Bathroom = more awesome.

Elena had a special moment
when Bonnie told her that her
brother was a good kisser

Smooth Bonnie, real smooth. Way to drop it casually into conversation. Woah, was expecting more freaking before Elena was magically ok with it. And shouldn’t Bonnie have been at least a little abashed, you know, to start with. Instead of launching into the whole ‘he’s supper yummy, and hot, and strong, and like his arms, and he’s such a good kisser!’

And then they can get married and be like sister’s in law! That’s if the curse of the Jeremy doesn’t strike again and Bonnie only has three more episodes left before she gets killed…

Bonnie why are you trying to talk Daddy Witch down from the ledge? He’s already taken your powers, he’s probably going to start on limbs next.
Although him blowing all the lights in the grill is cool, it probably won’t aid him in his search for Elena…

And Bonnie’s down.

Is this Caroline’s first foray into brain aneurisms? Sweetie – she’s gonna need some Matt loving after this.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Omg, someone save Matt, someone save Matt, someone save Matt, someone save Matt.

Feed him your blood, this is no time to panic Caroline. KEEP YOUR HEAD.

Yeah Matt’s going to have some questions after this.

Hm, is Jeremey a tiny bit pleased Luca’s out of the picture? He seems cranky. Maybe he needs loving too…

Kinda saw it coming, but still highly relieved it was another switcheroo. But does that mean Daddy Witch is dead? And if he is, does Bonnie get her powers back yet?

Uh, no. Apparently not dead yet.

And breathe…

Seriously, I haven’t been this tense in a vampire diaries episode in a while. I mean the tension is always high, but this, jeez. I need some water.

I love Nina Dobrev. I love her as both characters separately, but there’s something strangely mesmerizing when they’re having whole conversations with each other.

Oh Ric. That was so sweet, and kind of heart breaking. And I am amazed Jenna didn’t fall into your arms then and there. But given her history of dating, I can see why she didn’t. She thought you were different, and you hurt her just like the rest of them. You cad you. Sort it out.

Oooo this is gonna get interesting. Powers and a ‘How to Kill Klaus’ handbook – Bonnie got cool again.

“You hurt me today.”
“Tit for tat.”
“You were mean, and very rough, and monstrous.” Kinky as it is, please stop playing him Katherine, he doesn’t deserve it. Although we haven’t had a shirtless Damon today. Meh. Go for it. I need my fix.

Much as I want shirtless Damon, I love self-restraint yet pleasantly kinky Damon. He makes me happy.

Do we reckon that’s the first time Katherine’s been turned down?... Certainly by a Salvatore, but ever?... She seems quite pouty.

Oh my word, it’s heartbreaking. I can’t cope. Matt. Caroline. Although her we love each other and it’s all going to be ok was a touch on the creepy side. But oh god. Make it all ok now please?

What the? Ok… Now when we’re talking cliff hangers, Rose getting bitten, not so much. This? OMG. What, what what? Now I’m going to have to flail for four weeks? But how?

Isobelle’s back? And Matts freaking out and won’t calm down? And Jeremy and Bonnie hooked up and Bonnie knows how to kill Klaus, and Damon got will power, and Jenna’s head is about to implode?! How can they survive for four weeks?

Never mind that, how am I going to survive?
I think I’m just going to eat my ice cream and watch this over and over until it’s all ok again…

How about you? What did you think? How much of your brain just spontaneously combusted? How are you going to survive the break?